Every day really can be a school day. Recently I have gotten to learn more about myself and why I am the way I am. I have tried to understand where my anxiety comes from and surprising the reason behind something like this is never the first thing that comes to your mind.
I thought my anxiety got worse because a lot of changes in my life back in 2016 but it actually after talking it through not only does my anxiety come from
What are core beliefs?
My understanding is that core beliefs are those beliefs that you develop early on in life that tend to stick with you forever. Everyone has them and although you cannot change them you can try to create newer ones to balance it out. These beliefs can be established through the simplest interactions with others and typically can affect everyone differently. You know the same way that an event can happen to 10 people and every single one of them will react differently?
Unfortunately these core beliefs are often pretty negative. Personally I never thought mine could be as sad as what I was told it was. Apparently mine is “I’m not good enough”. How sad does that sound? This really shocked be because although I knew I was never an overly confident individual I never believed that I wasn’t good enough,particularly considering that when I am challenged at something I tend to go into autopilot and instantly think I can beat anyone. Pretty sure that stems from my competitive nature I gained from my big brother.
As sad as this realisation was it did bring a lot of positives with it because it allowed me to realise that these core beliefs are often very irrational. My core belief, it turns out, stems from a friendship I had from about the age of 5 to 10. Now the problem is I have no recollection of what actually happened to it but as a teenager I turned this into a big deal with someone choosing they no longer wanted to be friends when in reality we probably naturally are apart as we started to get older and past the ages of playing on bikes etc with one another. Either way it turns out something as trivial as this has added to my core belief of myself.
I have since made steps to focus on a different belief that is more positive because I mean you read the core belief, it sounds horrible and so I need that way of thinking out of my mind.
Let me be clear that although since seems to be my belief and it speaks truth when it comes to my friendships, considering I often worry what they think and take things more personally than other people I know, it by no means encompasses my entire thinking. I can still have moments going to interviews where I feel more than capable, I still have moments of anger when I announce to myself that I deserve better and I am a better friend than many people I know. My understanding is that this core belief progresses into a feeling that rises to the surface in certain situations. The memory itself is not what you think about but what you actually felt at the time. I did not feel good enough at the time so in certain situations that normally stress me out this is what I feel.
Why am I saying this?
I say this because this realisation helped me piece things together and helped me realise why I sometimes act the way I do with friends and why I have certain expectations regarding my relationships. This also helps to explain my worries towards work and other things. By recognising this I am able to come up with a new mantra as it were and focus on that, turning simple things like driving somewhere new or trying out something new as evidence to prove how capable I am. This also helps me recognise what my expectations of an event are and compare them to the real outcome, to realise that things are never as bad as they seem.
Overall I am able to have a more positive outlook and something more positive to work on which I can visually track the progress of. Accepting we have core beliefs that often stem from something in nothing makes it easier for us to change our outlook and push ourselves to believe better of ourselves.