“So ye safe to say I am feeling a little bit mixed up. I know in reality I need to give myself a break, considering that I don’t know many 24 year olds that truly know what they want in life. They just seem to be better at faking it than me. I seem to be questioning who I want in my life and where I want to be. I feel I need to make decisions now because otherwise I’ll never get anywhere. Except making decisions for life seems a bit extreme. The idea of making that decision to permanently fly the nest seems a bit scary just like the idea of settling down with someone for the rest of your life is terrifying”
Above is an extract from of a blog post I originally started only a couple of weeks ago but never got round to finishing because I couldn’t put my feelings into words in the way that I wanted to. Now I am glad I didn’t get round to finishing it.
In my original plan I went on to talk about how confused I felt and how disappointed about some of the way things have turned out in my life recently. My relationship with my ex has pretty much evaporated and we seem to be a typical ex couple these days (not what I wanted or in any way expected). This led me to worry about my future, going it alone and losing someone I genuinely considered my best friend, while also making me question my life decisions I had made to get me here.
Fast forward to only 2 weeks later and my outlook seems to have changed drastically. Why? Simply because I didn’t have a choice. Don’t get me wrong I still have moments of feeling slightly lost and worried about where I am going but suddenly I feel more settled.
Turning 25 was something I was dreading for the longest time and actually my birthday weekend was great and forced me to properly reevaluate everything. Now I never would believe me ex ever held me back as a person, however I do think subconsciously I didn’t try as much on my own because you get used to being a “we” rather than an “I”. So I didn’t challenge myself as much as I maybe should have (I am not blaming him for this in anyway, it is merely something I’ve thought about differently recently).
Feeling lost is totally normal and the rise of the term quarter life crisis proves this is very common. I still have moments of wondering if I miss being part of a couple even though I also want independence to learn more about myself before considering becoming a “we” again. I worry about making the decision about permanently flying the nest, yet I also feel great that I have made steps to make it a reality at some point in the sort of nearish future. I worry about if I want marriage and kids and wonder what if I make the choice not to and then regret it when I am older.
To be honest I felt lost only 2 days ago after getting news through that a close friend of mine got engaged while on holiday. This surprisginly brought up some mixed emotions for me. I was delighted for her because I knew she wanted that and was so happy for her that she was getting what I always feel she deserved, however watching people you’ve known for years go through these changes (especially after my relationship ended) is hard. It made me question if I wanted a boyfriend or if a guy would ever be crazy enough to marry me. Really am I going to be a crazy spinster when I’m older? Truthfully I hope not but I’d rather be alone than settle.
The fact that I am able to say that shows how much I have grown in such a short space of time but it also shows that events can trigger certain emotions in us and often that can lead to us feeling lost or as if we are getting left behind while everyone else is heading towards their own happily ever after.
We’re all lost at times but speak to those close to you about it. My brother has what I always imagined the perfect life – wife, daughter, house and good job and yet he openly speaks about how he thinks maybe they done everything too young compared to their friends that maybe don’t have kids yet for example. I spoke to my friends and all of them are in different situations but 2 of them said they feel the most settled in life now they are 27 and have their own places, but they didn’t have that feeling at 25.
My point? Everyone is different and on their own path. What works for one won’t work for the other and you might feel lost but there will be others looking at you as if you have everything sorted.
Right now I am starting to feel more myself and ready to take on the world. I am disappointed about my relationship with my ex at this point but maybe this is what we both needed. I feel I appreciate my friends more and they have equally been given an opportunity to be there for me. My sister-in-law messaged me on my birthday after we met for lunch and said I looked so much happier and relaxed. I didn’t realise I was but maybe I am and that’s great news!
If you’re out there scared and worried know that you are not alone and sometimes the hardest moments do actually make us stronger and more comfortable in our own skin.