Doesn’t seem to matter what time of year it is there always seems to be so much pressure from the outside when it comes to relationships. If you’re not in one you should be and if you are in one it has to meet a certain criteria or you should reconsider. Well by the sounds of some people that’s how it goes anyway.
I have always seemed to be someone that could take or leave a relationship. As a teenager I cared more because it felt as if everyone had a boyfriend or girlfriend then you were a failure but I have since outgrown that and I am actually shocked at the expectations some people have in relationships. Expectations that no normal human could reach!
The funny thing is this post idea came to me before me and my boyfriend broke up so part of me feels I may actually have more to say than originally planned.
If anything I feel this change to my life has made my views on expectations in romantic relationships even clearer. If you had told me at 16 years old that I would go out with my best friend then I would have told you that’s amazing and will no doubt lead to marriage and kids and mean that entire area of my life is sorted. Now of course that didn’t happen. What did happen was 6 and a half good years that simply reached a natural end point. 16 year old me would never forgive 24 year old me!
So expectations, mine have definitely changed as I have gotten older but I am still astounded by the level of some expectations people have for their own relationships and also the expectations people often press onto those closest to them. I can say I personally felt expectations placed on me about my relationship, not even by my boyfriend, but by those around me. In the last couple of years we were expected to move out, get married and have kids because we had been together the longest (this is true but I mean we were kids at the start). To be honest I feel a lot of this came from those around us wanting us to do it so they didn’t have to. However this didn’t help with someone as anxious as me.
At 16 I very much loved the idea of that perfect overwhelming love that you seen in movies and tv shows and this naturally changed as I went into my relationship with my ex at 18. It was already different because we had been best friends first so the beginning was already different to how I had imagined. To begin with I feel both our expectations were very manageable, we didn’t discuss moving out or marriage and stuff until I had pretty much graduated because that just made sense at the time.
However expectations soon changed more because I ended up expecting too many different things from a relationship that I can say had many good qualities. I wanted my 6 year relationship to still have that buzz from the beginning, I wanted to still have a constant want to talk all day, every day even though we had our own jobs and lives as well.
That covers unrealistic expectations as far as relating to that overwhelming feeling of growing up and looking at other people that seem to be doing it better.
Other unrealistic expectations in relationships I see often seem to come from those that believe they should be treated like a princess without any give and take. Every one deserves to be treated well but I am sick of hearing women expect so much from their partners but also expect those partners to believe that those women simply existing is enough for them. I’m sorry what?
Every single person should feel valued but so many individuals seem to have these complete double standards nowadays and these expectations unfortauntley can never be met in a constructive and ultimately beneficial way for both parties.
Overall we live in a world now where everyone can portray a certain lifestyle they want or wish for. All you have to do is go onto Instagram to see exotic holiday photos or loved up couples that seem to be so much in love that nothing can come close. This puts unnecessary pressure on all of us by believing that if we do not still feel butterflies every time we see them or want to be with them all day every day then we are doing something wrong.
You’re not! We all have lives and other people in these lives to consider. Becoming comfortable in a relationship is inevitable and with that comes some sense of complacency. To be honest I feel I appreciate how good a person my ex boyfriend is now than I did for a long time during our relationship. Sometimes things do not work out the way we plan and sometimes it can be down to those unrealistic expectations we have.
In the end if you’re happy then go with that and do not allow your own or other people’s expectations to ruin what works for you. Also give your partner a break if you place too much on them or if you are the placed upon partner then stand your ground because in the end expectations are fine but unrealistic ones will never end in happiness for anyone.