Even the most simple things that we are all aware of sometimes need to be reiterated to us a few times before it sticks.
I like to believe that I show people how much they matter to me as regularly as I should and try to do things for people to further prove it but just like everyone else I get complacent or forget that not everyone accepts love in the same ways. Some people are happy to believe someone cares for them through words they say, while others need people to show them through actions.
Therefore this week’s lesson is more of a reminder to show people how much you care and make sure to tell them too because just because you know how much you care for someone doesn’t always mean that person feels as secure in that knowledge.
I have always had a great relationship with my sister-in-law, in fact I done a whole post on it that you can check out here for more background, but I have never been overly great at telling her how thankful I am for her. I was 16 when I met her and believe me when I say I was an awkward 16 and I suppose I always worried about being that annoying boyfriend’s little sister so maybe didn’t push too much when it came to use getting closer.
I helped her get over her fear of water by going swimming with her every Saturday for weeks and weeks before her and my brother went to New Zealand back in 2010 and through that time spent together I spoke to her about school problems, friends, pretty much anything. She asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes without a second thought and we spoke about family stuff from both sides because that’s what we are. She spoke about my brother’s annoying habits or some of the names she liked for my niece that she didn’t want to tell anyone about.
In this past year I have realised that I always felt secure in my relationship with her as far as believing that I was lucky to get on with her so well and knowing that if I ever needed anything she was there. Yet I may have believed it but I never actually acted on this belief, forgetting that my sister-in-law is someone that genuinely loves to help people and would really appreciate more actions to prove that on my part. It is my responsibility to prove to her that I truly trust her and look at her like an older sister and to make her know this I have to actively ask her for help or confide in her.
When me and my ex broke up I was upset and didn’t actually speak about it with her until weeks after because at the time I didn’t want to tell anyone. However after making a point to talk to her I realised how comforting having someone else, having an older sister can be when dealing with new emotions, new situations and really every day life as well. I feel by doing this we have became closer in that we now communicate more regularly without giving it much thought. I am more likely to go to her about things because she already knows so much.
Outside of our girly dates involving my niece I also want to make more of an effort to spend time just as sisters. Whether that means going for dinner just us or more simply asking for her advice when I need it, the same way I ask my big brother for advice when it comes to moving out and jobs. Doing this makes them feel good because they want to help me and this makes them feel they are helping me (which they are) but also makes them realise how much I value them.
So in keeping with this I am going to get a 2019 resolution started early and make more of an effort to let people know how much I appreciate them and how much I value them. I have already experienced so much positivity out of doing this because in the last couple of months since confiding in my sister-in-law more I feel we are overall even closer, making me feel even more secure in such an essential relationship in my life. Plus positivity breads positivity meaning that my overall more upbeat attitude has helped me gain more from other relationships too.