Everyone has a plan right? Their big life plan that tells them when they plan to move out or get married, have kids etc.
I will be the first to say I had a life plan but my life is going absolutely nothing like how that original plan stated it would. I got inspiration for this post from Ruth’s blog, it’s as if she knew her post was exactly what I needed to read that day so make sure to check out her post here.
There are many areas of my life I always suppose I subconsciously planned and I’m guessing a lot of people out there do the same. The problem is I get myself tied in knots when I suddenly realise my life isn’t going to plan because surely I should have my life together by now right? Everyone else seems to be managing so what’s wrong with me that my life isn’t going the same way as theirs? The funny thing is if I was very realistic then my life plan has always been changing and adapting. Let me give you an example
Aged 7: I thought I’d be married with kids by 25 because 25 sounded old and my mum and dad were married at 20 so that meant in my mind at 7 that’s what everyone did. I also thought I’d marry my best friend back then because I thought you married your best friend of the opposite sex.
Aged 14: I went through a stage where I actually loved the idea of getting married young if I found the right person. I would happily have got married by 21 at this point. I also thought I’d get an amazing job straight out of uni and be in a big office to myself with an amazing view of the city.
Aged 18: I started going out with my first serious boyfriend who was also my best friend. Nothing overly specific but thought I’d get married at around 26 and have a kid at 27 then 29 and then 32 because I wanted 3 kids and didn’t want to be any older than my mum was when she had me. I also thought I’d graduate and then move in with boyfriend at around 23 and get engaged in the same year.
Aged 23: I struggled a lot with my plan and realised I maybe didn’t want the things I thought I did. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with my boyfriend anymore, the thought of moving out any time soon terrified me and I categorically did not want any kids.
Now (aged 25): I am single but realise I do want to be married one day and maybe have kids. Ideally I would like to be married at around 30 or maybe just before it. I hopefully will have my own place next year which I am so excited about the idea of.
Basically it’s great to have a plan, something to work to and focus on but please do not give yourself a hard time for life not going to the plan you had. Life changes and plans can adapt to suit. If you are lucky to find the right person at a younger age than some and are able to truly make it wok to achieve that family you want, or if you’re able to get into the industry you want straight out of university to get you to that job you always planned to have then great and you should by no means feel bad for it.
However for those of you that maybe haven’t achieved what you set out to back in your teens I ask you to be realistic and ask yourself was that plan realistic for you now? Are you still able to achieve what you want but maybe just a little later? When I think back to my teenage self I can’t believe I ever thought getting married at 26 was a good idea. Not because I don’t think it’s acceptable or achievable but to me right now that would have meant I either stayed with my ex just to get married by 26 or it means that the next guy I meet I marry next year at some point. Neither of these outcomes seem the best to me but that’s ok. To be honest it’s only in the past few months I’ve started to realise what I want from life.
We also live in a world now that makes it so easy to compare lives and we often forget that we only see a fraction of someone’s life. Just because that person you went to school with is married with kids does not mean that you are failing or missing out on something. Also who is to say this person is happy with their life? Remember that just like everyone has their own plan, everyone has their own path that can often take them through the scenic route to their goals.
Make your own plans as you go but don’t hold yourself to such strict standards and deadlines, life is meant to be fun. I bet you if you looked back on some of your best moments they weren’t planned and I bet you never specifically set out to meet some of the most important people in your life.