Ok I know it’s Christmas time and therefore everything should be happy and full of love but I always feel Christmas is a time where I reflect so much on everything. After the year I’ve had one thing that does not seem to shift is what I would now easily class as my biggest regret.
Falling out with my best friend in 2014
I know the phrase “falling out” makes it seem pretty juvenile but it is definitely something I have (more often recently) felt awful about.
I met my best friend at 9 years old and we were inseparable until around the time we left school at 18. Real life hit hard and boyfriends, uni and jobs made it more difficult to be as close as before. We still had our traditional new year phone calls and catch ups but it wasn’t quite the same as spending every other weekend at each other’s houses etc. Of course that’s natural and that wasn’t the problem.
The problem came from me feeling undervalued by her as I saw her make new friends and spend even more time with her boyfriend. Now at 25 I can see that there was most likely a bit of jealousy mixed in with me truthfully being jealous of these new people getting her attention. My biggest mistake was not telling her how upset I was at the time, hopefully remaining calm. Instead I allowed myself to be pushed into believing I didn’t need her and so instead completely lost it and said things I really shouldn’t have – worst of all it was over text!
To this day I truly have regretted this. I reached out two years ago to try and clear the air and although she wasn’t interested in meeting up she at least accepted my apology and I suppose that cleared the air. However now I truly wish I could turn back the clock because it’s only now as an adult I can appreciate how fortunate I was to have the friendship I did. Not everyone has a best friend. Not everyone has someone they talk to about everything and naturally think to message them the second something happens or someone that you can truly be yourself around so much so that even a night spent watching TV not talking to one another is still time well spent.
So honestly if I could achieve one thing from the year coming up it would be to build bridges with this best friend. Of course it would never be the same as it was because it can’t be but I would just want to have that person back to catch up with and message when something ridiculous happens.